i laughed at my own joke

the antics of a motorcycle-driving, scarf wearing, tea drinking, joke loving daily flosser and self-proclaimed celebrity...

Permalink Martini 30, yo!!! The Ambrosia… Or as I like to call it, “last but not least.” Raspberry vodka Sourpuss raspberry Blue curaçao And more good things This is it. My dear friend, Dario decided to treat me to my last martini of the challenge. We went to the ol watering hole and ordered a couple of the best martinis on the menu… Strong (Is it as strong as the body odor I was apparently producing?) Yes. Because I don’t smell THAT bad. The drink was smooth and went down like juice, but I could tell there was a bit of a surprising AND delightful kick.. Tastiness (Did it remind you of the good ol days?) This martini took me back to a time when things were simpler. I was just starting this slow descent into alcoholism, and I was as bright-eyes and bushy-tailed as something that’s also bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.. Overall (Is is true you saved the best for last?) No, it’s not true.. I saved best for 1st, or for 6th, 15th, 17th 18th, 19th, 22nd, 26th, 27th.. This would fall somewhere in the mediocre pile. It’s just another sweet one that makes you look sort of sophisticated at the bar. However, when the boy you are flirting with finds out how much juice is actually in this thing, he will call you a juvenile and walk out of the bar. Thankfully, my darling Dario did no such thing. We sat and drank the night away and cheers’ed to the end of the most painful month my liver had ever faced. Until next time!
Permalink Martini 29 Holy Chocolate Chip 1oz chocolate vodka 1oz kahlua 1oz baileys Holy moly, it’s like dessert. Strong (How are you feeling on this 29th day?) I feel like I should stop drinking drinks this strong. I think my liver is probably the fittest organ in my body because it’s always working out… This drink is no different. Tastiness (Does it taste like birthday cake?) Yup! And I kinda wish that the birthday cakes that I had growing up, made me as wobbly as this drink is making me. However, I may have been taken away from my parents and put into some kind of foster care… Overall (On a scale of 1-10?) Really? A boring ol’ scale of 1-10? Alright then, I would say its an 8! It’s very tasty…
Permalink Martini 28 I call it, “Almost There” More commonly referred to as a “Candyapple” 1oz sourpuss apple 1/2 oz butter ripple schnapps 1 1/2 oz vodka And a pinch of cinnamon. But just a pinch. Be serious. This is almost the end of my martini month, hence the clever name of this beauty. Strong (Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?) Why, yes! I believe that is true. That being said, I think the quote is referring to a fruit, not an ounce of apple flavored sourpuss. This will not keep the doctor away. In fact, I have a feeling that after 10 more of these, I’d be uncomfortably close to a doctor… Tastiness (Does it make you want to extend the 30 day challenge to a 60 day challenge?) Don’t get me wrong, I actually consider it magical how this much straight alcohol can go down like juice, however, nothing will make me extend this challenge. Hell no. Overall (Is it the perfect before bed snack?) Yep! I will fall asleep quite quickly after this bad boy. Come to think of it, I haven’t had any problems with sleeping in the last month… Is it just a coincidence? Folks, 30 days of drinking everyday has definitely taken its toll on me. With that being said, I’m happy to be officially announcing March 2nd the start of my ‘month of drinking 2.7 liters of water everyday’ challenge. (It’s March 2nd because the martini challenge started on February 1, and there are 29 days in February this year.. Are we clear?) Let’s get fit!
Permalink Martini 27 Mango martini Some mango liqueurs and stuff! After a hard day at the aquarium, what better to do than have a martini in a bar on Granville island? Strong (?) Kind of! It didn’t taste strong, but I felt tipsy as I boarded the Aquabus to go home… Tastiness (Was it tasty like the Aquabus driver?) Yes and yes. He opened the little curtain for us and ushered us inside. He made the dinky little boat feel like a luxurious yacht. He even made paying for a ticket look desirable.. The martini was good too. Difficulty (Wow, I didn’t even see the bartender make this one…) Frankly, I’m getting sick of this category. If you haven’t figured out how to mix alcohol, shake and then strain it by now, I’ve failed as an alcoholic. Overall (Will you have sweet dreams tonight?) Yes! (Will they involve the martini at all or be only about the Aquabus captain?) Maybe both… I’ll see what I can dream up!
Permalink Martini 26 Dirty martini Vodka Vermouth Olive juice I asked Leo, the owner of the Brickhouse, to make me the dirtiest martini he could. He joked about using the bottom of his shoe to make it dirtier.. I smiled at him and his spandex bicycle pants and tie dye hoodie, and thanked him for he drink. Strong (How did you do with the hair of the dog?) Ok, I guess. I had a Caesar earlier which took me out of hangover mode.. And this drink was so dirty, I couldn’t taste the vodka at all! Tastiness (Did it taste like a jar of olives?) Yes. It literally tasted like I was drinking juice straight out of the jar. Difficulty (Did it strain Leo?) I thought it might, because he is a small and frail Asian man, but he seemed to have no trouble at all. Overall (Was the bar as cool as the drink was dirty?) Yes. The bar is decorated in the most random and ridiculous pictures. Huge couches and tables, exposed brick on one side. The front door was closed and we had to knock on the back door in order to get in. It was SO cool. And the martini was SO dirty!
Permalink Martini 25 “Beth” Some fruity shit.. The bartender made it up and then called it the Beth, so that when someone took a sip, they could say “wow, Beth tastes good.” Strong (Will you remember this?) Apparently not, hence the ‘morning after’ write up. Tastiness (Does Beth really taste that good?) Holy moly, yeah!!! I wish I could drink it up all the time. This bartender made it super sweet. Difficulty (Did the bartender have to use a lot of muscles?) It looks like he might of had to.. He was quite the muscly one to begin with! Overall (DO you remember your evening?) Not one god damn thing.
Permalink Martini 24 Kiwi Delight Rum Kiwi purée Maybe some lime juice? I am on the road, a real nomad. I couldn’t find any sort of to go martini glass, and I now find myself searching for my daily martinis at different drinking establishments around Vancouver. Strong (Is it strong like the rain was today?) No… For, it wasn’t rain, it was snow. The only problem I foresee myself having, is that there are no bars that sell bigger than 2oz drinks. It’s a little sad. Tastiness (Is it as tasty as that hipster you shared eye contact with on the bus earlier?) Yes! There is kiwi purée in this martini. How often do you find yourself drinking that?! I am quite pleased with the sweetness too. Now if only that bus hipster would come join me for another. Difficulty (Did you strain yourself?) No. It wasn’t really that difficult at all.. I just asked the waitress for the one I wanted and it was as simple as saying, “please.” Overall (Do you regret not asking that hipster to come over?)Yes, I do! Although the martini did a good job of making me feel warm and loved…
Permalink Martini 23 Hypno-tini 1oz Malibu 1oz Hipnotiq 1oz OJ Yet another breakfast martini brought to you by my schedule.  I am going to Vancouver today and while I pack, this martini is by my side. Strong (Is it a punch with punch?)  Yeah!  A punch right in the face!  It is so bright and early, and their martini is really giving me a run for my money.   Tastiness (It is a gross booger green colour)  It looks that way for the Hynotiq is blue and the orange juice is orange.  You do the math… or the mixology!! Difficulty (To mix, shake and pour?)  No.  I did it at 7:30am, you can too. Overall (Why is it on a leopard print background?) I do enjoy this martini.  And now I am pleased to say, that for the next 4 days, I will be buying martinis in drinking establishments.  I am traveling and couldn’t find a travel martini glass anywhere!!!  
Permalink Martini 22 LimeMargarini 1 1/2oz tequila 1/2oz triple sec 1 oz lime juice Salt rim for fun! Today, February 22, is National Margarita Day.  I decided that along with millions of others, I would celebrate the delicious qualities of the classic lime margarita, but in a martini… Strong (¿le consigue bebido?)  Si.  It is muchos strong.  The salt rim makes me thirstier, and the tequila quenches the thirst.  I am drinking this thing WAY too fast. Tastiness (¿prueba tan bueno como los buratos?) Si, but in a different way.  If you have ever had a margarita, you know the exact taste of this martini.  It is literally a ‘neat’ margarita.  (that means there is no ice… just in case you didn’t know that) Difficulty (¿Podría un Quesadilla… principiante hacerlo, incluso si nunca han hecho una bebida antes?)  It is not too hard to make.  The hardest part was squeezing the limes.  My wrist is still kind of sore from juicing.  The pouring of the tequila was hard.  I have said it once, and I’ll say it again, the smell of tequila is absolutely disgusto… Overall (¿Es usted feliz con esta bebida? Sombrero… ¿Usted la haría otra vez? ¿y usted goza el beber de ella?)  I am very pleased with the outcome.  Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up.  OR, squeeze some lime into the tequila and create a national day to celebrate your favourite drink.   Go to nationalmargaritaday.com to learn more!!
Permalink Martini 21 Peanut Butter and Jam I stirred it.. are you mad? 1oz frangelico 1oz chambord 1/2oz vodka This is absolutely delightful!  The taste of this martini takes me back to when I was but a wee, young thing, on the daily picnic my family would have.  A big red and white checkered blanket would cover the grass, and we would have peanut butter and jam sandwiches after flying kites all day.  That’s a lie.  My Mom is deathly allergic to nuts and I didn’t have a PB&J sandwich until university…  I don’t know why I took the picture in front of my bookshelf either… Notice the Shakespeare. Strong (Is a PB&J sandwich really that strong?)  Not the regular kind.  This kind however, is very strong.  One sip and I already feel wobbly.  Can you imagine if this is the kind of PB&J sandwich your Mom packed you for lunch?  It would have made math class SO much for fun. Tastiness (What does it taste like?)  It literally tastes like a PB&J sandwich on white bread.  I am almost nervous it will stick to the top of my mouth… Difficulty (Why did you stir it?)  I came home late, and I didn’t want to wake everyone up by the sounds of my shaking.  Stirring it is fine, just make sure you stir it with an ice cube, or else it will be luke warm… bleh Overall (Is this a good midnight snack?)  The best I have ever had.  I will sit in my bed and enjoy this martini, as I set my alarm for 6 hours from now, and play Temple Run… 
Permalink Martini 20 Candy-tini 1oz raspberry sourpuss 1oz blue curaçao 1oz vodka This martini is such a nice colour!  I am a fan of it.  It’s like liquid candy.  SO sweet. Strong (Is it as strong for you as it is for me?)  It is difficult to say.  For myself, it is not too strong.  I can handle my martinis.  For the young guns who are fresh off the underage boat, it is probably too strong.  My Dad always used to warn me about lemon gin’ he said it was nicknamed, ‘the panty remover.’  This martini is very strong yet sweet, so it could be misleading.. Tastiness (How happy is your tongue right now?)  It may be the happiest it’s been this whole month.  Super sweet, and nice.  Maybe if I had more than one, my tongue would also be the bluest it’s been this whole month! Difficulty (Is it hard?)  I tried to hide the bottles when I was pouring the sourpuss into the glass.  I drank sourpuss when I was a young gun fresh off the underage boat and it reminds me of being irresponsible and embarrassing.   Overall (Now that you are mature, will you drink this all the time?)  This drink makes me want to put my hair in a side ponytail, listen to Cyndi Lauper, and dance the night away.  I just don’t want to do it alone…
Permalink Martini 19 Ginger Martini (Yes, that is a huge chunk of ginger as garnish) 2oz Domaine de Canton Ginger Liqueur 1oz lemon vodka squeeze lemon juice This is SO good.  I am in heaven! Strong (Is it medicinal?)  Perhaps!  Just look at the ingredients, there is quite a bit of alcohol in there!  Ginger has also been known to be good for the throat.  It is really anti-bacterial.  So is alcohol in general, really.  I guess next time I have a cold or cough, I will make one of these bad boys and be magically cured!  Screw vitamin C or Cold FX!! Tastiness (If it works like cough syrup, doesn’t that mean it has to taste bad?)  Not necessarily.  It is just an unhappy coincidence that all cough syrups taste awful.  This one is nice.  I am licking my lips like someone who licks their lips really often! Difficulty (How do you make cough syrup?)  It only takes a few ingredients… I think the most difficult part would be coming across ginger liqueur.  There is only one type in the world; Domaine De Canton, made in France.  My butler, Jeeves, had to research the small hut it is made in, and speak to 98 year old Frederic Leveque to whom the recipe was passed down from generations passed.  I had to fly in my private jet to get my hands on a bottle that was only 50ml.  When I arrived home, I went to my friendly, neighbourhood liquor store and found a big bottle. Overall (DO you like it?)  Let’s put it this way, I hope to get sick more often!
Permalink Martini 18 ‘Sake’ it to Me  (haha!) 1oz sake 1oz pomegranate liqueur I had sushi for dinner, yo! It was only fitting I have sake for a martini!!!  Kinda tastes like iced tea… Strong (Does the sushi help soak up the alcohol?)  Nope!  This one is down for the count! It complements the sushi very well, and makes you feel cool because you are drinking sake.. Herrooo!!!! Tastiness (Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so?)  Perhaps.  It is a very decadent drink.  However, like I said, it tastes like iced tea.  Not sure how or why that happened, but if you are looking to change it up, maybe add some iced tea and call it a cocktail! Difficulty (Who the heck has sake sitting in their liquor cabinet?!?)  I do.  Luckily.  I am pretty sure we bought it because the bottle was so awesome.  Thankfully we did.  I did change the recipe totally.  It called for sake, lychee juice and a lychee for garnish.  I shook the world a little bit, eliminated any non-alcoholic component and added my own pomegranate ideas!!! Overall (Was it ‘Sake-tastic?’)  I would definitely make up a new word for this drink.  It is ‘new word make up-able.’  AND I would make up a new phrase for it too!  This drink is off the sake chain.  Raise the sake, put a little sake in it, I got 99 problems but this sake ain’t one…
Permalink Martini 17 Terry’s Chocolate Orange Tini 1 oz vodka 1/2 oz creme de cacao 1/2 oz triple sec chocolate chips. Get this, we made a chocolate rim.  My darling friend was over this evening, and she was able to partake in martini madness!  We decided to create an extra special martini with chocolate rim to boot.  So, let’s begin… Strong (Strong enough for Karen?) Absolutely.  There is no buffer whatsoever, just alcohol right into your belly.  The chocolate rim did not help one bit. Tastiness (Was Karen happy that she was able to be a part of martini 17?) She didn’t use those exact words, but I am pretty sure it was the best time she has ever had with a martini glass in her hand.  She kept making really funny faces as she sipped.  I would caption it, “mmm, this is really gooOOH GOD that’s strong.” Difficulty (Was it hard to melt the chocolate chips in the microwave and then dip the rim of the martini glass into it? It looks so professional…)  Thanks! Ya, it looks pretty cool, doesn’t it? We were able to figure it out.  And then, of course, it is just a matter of shaking the damn thing like you were mad at it. Overall (Is Karen really a good judge?)  Probably not.  I don’t know if Karen is at the level of alcoholism I have descended into quite yet.  She’ll get there, with a little help from me.  Or maybe she can guide me through the inevitable ‘sober March.’ Thanks Karen, I am happy you could make it.
Permalink Martini 16 Apple something or other…? Will update ingredients when I find out what they were… I found myself at a public drinking establishment this evening, let’s call it a bar.  I was unable to shake and make my own martini at this aforementioned bar, and so, as to not upset the millions of people who care so deeply about my martini challenge, I ordered a martini. Strong (Did it knock your socks off and get you thrown out of the bar?)  No.  It tasted more like juice.  My socks stayed on, and I remained sitting in the booth, sipping quietly on my martini. Tastiness (Were you mad when your friends all took sips to see what it tasted like?)  Only a little.  I want to share the love.  It was a really nice martini.  However, the presentation was poor.  It had a straw as garnish.  Who the eff drinks a martini through a straw?!  And of course, like apple juice kind of does, it looked a little bit like urine.  If they had put some sort of sugary rim, or maybe a slice of apple on the side.  I feel as though even the tackiest garnish of them all; a maraschino cherry, would have sufficed.   Difficulty (Was it really difficult to mix the ingredients together?)  I didn’t even break a sweat!